I don't know what to do.

I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do.

I have to make a decision today. A decision that two weeks ago would have been easy as pie (which apparently is quite easy). I would have taken the job. I was so so so dissatisfied with my current job. I still am but I am not sure if this new job is the right next step for me. I know I have terribly neglected this blog lately, but I really need a place to figure this out, and where else except the confines of my head which I have poured out on these pages for so many years. It was suggested to me to simply create a pros and cons list for the job.

Taking the job:

• Pros:
• Not having to deal with the supervisor I do not get along with at all.
• Getting paid more per hour and potentially moving up to full time within the next few months.
• Starting off in a new job where I can better use my degree.
• The potential for growth is higher within this job.
• A fresh start.
• A job which will look great on a resume and in any future career choices.
• Cons:
• Starting off part time.
• Leaving a place I have just started to put down roots in.
• Leaving MourningStar.
• Moving back in with my parents.
• Having to start all over and learn a new job all over again with no for sure promise of getting along with coworkers/supervisors or of  having this job be my forever job.
• Less contact with coworkers/ability to make friends.
• Not having weekends and for sure days off. I would be working less hours but more days during the week to start.
• I have to be available 12pm-8:30pm.

Not taking the job:

• Pros:
• I get to stay in a familiar job.
• I get to see if there will be any improvement in this current job before just moving on to another job.
• I get to keep doing MourningStar
• I don't have to move back in with my parents.
• I know I can make ends meet with my current pay.
• I get to stay close to my new friends
• It will look good on a resume to have stayed in a job longer than 6 months rather than leaving after 6 months.
• Cons:
• I do not get to see new experiences.
• I stay in a job which I know I do not get along with my supervisor.
• Same pay, same experience.

For some reason I just cannot decide what is the best choice. I have had this huge desire to get away from my current job for so long. Maybe taking the first job that comes along is not the best idea, or it could be the best decision I ever make.

I read this post on tumblr the other night. It said something to the effect of "Imagine you are standing somewhere and a stranger just comes up to you and hands you a book. You start reading the book and realize it is your life story. Would you read the book until the end?"

Right now I would pick up that book and turn to the pages where I am making this decision. I sort of imagine that the book at this point would become one of those "Choose Your Own Adventure" books that I used to read all the time. I could read each section and see what the consequences and benefits of my decision might be. Wouldn't that be nice. It might help me decide which is the better option, of course both have the potential to end abysmally, the same as both have the potential to be wonderful in the future. Like Laura said last night when I was talking to her, there is not a right or wrong answer.

Potential and Definite Benefits of taking the New Job:

• P: Higher pay (at least once full time, which makes it potential)
• P: New experience which could be the perfect fit for me.
• P: Making new friends.
• D: Being near old, high school, friends.

Potential and Definite Consequences of taking the New Job:

• P: Not being the right fit for the job and never moving up to full time.
• D: Moving back in with my parents.
• D: Not being able to do MourningStar in Victorville.
• D: Leaving behind my friends in Victorville

Another thought that just popped into my head is that I don't want to disappoint the person I interviewed with by not accepting the job, she seemed to like me so much. How co-dependent of me. *sigh* I am not sure if this is helping make things clearer or not.