March 20, 2009

memories...and a poem/rant thing...

lately I have been reminded of my friend who passed away my junior year of high school a lot. I loved her so much! I really don't know why I am posting this here...but I really want to just talk to someone, to have a deep talk with someone...being reminded of her is really screwing with my emotions and I just really want to cry right now...I want to just sit in a corner and bawl. another part of me wants to talk to someone...but who wants to hear some whiny college freshman talk about her friend who passed away almost 2 1/2 years ago? the answer is no one. I don't really know what I should do. I think I maybe want to go talk to the councelors at my school's counceling place on campus but since there is no class next week for spring break I won't be able to talk to them until I get back. *sigh* I really don't know what to do. I guess I am just going to talk about her here since that seems to be my only option at this point (not that I don't love this blog) goes my little poem/rant thing...

your memory haunting me
your face flashing in front of my eyes
your voice quoting napoleon dynamite
plays inside my head.
it's been so long
why do I still remember you like this
why do I picture your face
every time someone mentions cancer?
I love you
I loved you
but you were taken from me
by the god I am told loves me
why did he do that?
how loving can he really be?
How could he let someone
as amazing as you die?
how could he love someone
as horrible as me?
someone who cuts her body
to deal with
how can he love someone
who purposefully desecrates
the sacred temple of her body?
someone who cant even love herself?
there can only be one answer...
he can't...
he can't...
he can't...

I am also feeling very homesick currently...I wish I could be with my family and friends instead of here where i feel so alone...

Oh a happier note spring break is this coming week. I am going to be spending the week at my friend's house...hopefully it will be a nice little distraction from life in general...except for the fact that I have a butload of stuff to get done over the break...oh well...

Emmy R.

March 1, 2009

Self Injury Awareness Day

March 1.

Self Injury Awareness Day.

Four simple words.

The first two which have played a huge impact on my life.

The third one also important.


Self Injury Awareness.

I wish I knew a better way to let people know about self injury. Few people know about my own self injury. How can I spread awareness without letting others know about my own struggle. *sigh* I wish I knew.

Emmy R.