March 23, 2011

just the ramblings of my mind on a tuesday night...

I am not worth the effort of stopping self-harming

It isn’t hurting anyone

I try to stop self-harming because I know in my head that I shouldn’t do it. I know in my head that I should find better ways to cope. I wonder how I am supposed to translate those feelings to my heart. How can I actually let myself believe them deep inside of me? I have been repeating the ideas that I shouldn’t self-harm over and over, I say it so often, I tell myself I shouldn’t do it and so I don’t, not always. But am I doing it for myself? Or am I doing it for others? Is it ok if I am doing it for other people? Can I really have healing if I do it for others? I tell myself that if I just repeat it enough it will finally sink in, and I will accept it as truth, but will I? I have been telling this to myself for nearly 6 years now, almost as long as I have been struggling with self-harm, will I ever be able to believe it really?

1 comment:

Danielle+Amy said...

We completely understand how conflicting the idea of recovery can be! it's hard to be motivated when you don't see yourself as worth saving, after all, the logic of self harm is that you are worth hurting. Sending you support from Paris :)xx