October 16, 2011

Monday, a discussion with C

So, I realized that I never updated about how my conversation with C went on Monday. It went ok. I arrived at my internship on Monday pretty freaked out about the whole thing, and as soon as I got there I was sort of put to work on a project. Once I was finished with that project and asked C if she had another one for me to work on. She started looking to see what she had but stopped short, and said "I almost forgot" and she shut the door. At this point I was reeling and totally freaked out about the prospect of talking about everything. She asked me how I was feeling about what we had talked about on Thursday. I basically told her that it was making me really anxious that she knew and the prospect of telling Sh had me totally freaked out. C asked me if I would be willing to tell Sh, like in a way that was just vague like I had originally tried to tell her. I told C that basically I had accidentally told her about everything, I told her how in a moment of panic I just sort of freaked out and because I was trying too hard not to tell her it just sort of spilled out. She sort of laughed a little and I just looked at her, thinking how it wasn't really funny, and she said that she laughed because it really sounded like something she would do. I told her that I was not really feeling comfortable with the idea of telling Sh about it because I was worried the same thing would happen as did with C. She said she understood that being scary. I asked C if she had ever told Sh about her own struggle with self-harm and C told me that she had not. I asked her why she thought it would be good for me to tell Sh and she told me that she thought it would be good to get more ideas on ways to learn to cope with the triggers that will undoubtedly come up in the Social Work field, for example, the fact that a client could struggle with self-harm. So eventually we settled on the idea that C would tell Sh very vaguely about the fact that I have something that triggers me, but she would not tell her what it was that triggered me.

So C wound up telling Sh in her supervision later that day. On Tuesday I asked C how that conversation had gone and she said that it was fine, and Sh didn't pry or anything and just told C some things that could be helpful for us to discuss together at our next supervision, which will be this coming Thursday.

I will keep you updated on the progress with that and how this coming Thursday goes. I am feeling a lot better about everything right now though, and starting to feel less anxious about the idea of C knowing about it, I mean it still bothers me, but less than it did right off the bat since I have had some time to get used to the idea.

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