September 3, 2011

I wrote this about a week ago and I just remembered about it and decided to post it:
people always tell me, "just wait, the right guy will come along soon enough"...but i think guys are just not attracted to me...i meam being 21 and never even having a guy express interest in me has to prove something right? for a while i told myself it didn't matter and that i can do everything i want by myself, and that is true, but now i just feel like an undesirable piece of shit, i would love to know that someone could be attracted to me, that i am not a complete loser. just knowing that it could be a possibility would be nice. unfortunately guys don't even try to take advantage of me when i am drunk...instead they go after my best friends and even my little sister, proving that noone really likes me and i am undesirable to anyone. i mean is being hit on by one person in my life too much to ask for?
Most of the time I don't care about the fact that guys have never seemed interested in me...but sometimes I just get fed up with it. When I am home I have relatives constantly asking me when I will start dating someone, or who my boyfriend is, and every time my answer is the same "Who knows" and "I don't have a boyfriend" is pretty ridiculous, if I had a boyfriend I would tell you, stop asking every time you see me and making me feel extremely inadequate, like my value depends upon being in a relationship with a guy.
Like I said, a lot of the time I could care less, I know deep in my heart that my value does not depend on finding a life partner, or even dating someone. My value is defined by me and what I choose to make of my life, I will do great things I am sure, and I don't need a man to do the great things I see in my future. (that being said, I don't mean that I don't want a guy in my life, I just know that I can do great things even if I never wind up with anyone)
*sigh* it still makes me sad though, because my whole life I have been told that I will get married, but yet apparently I am so undesirable that no one is interested...whatever...if the right person comes along then then will, if they don't they don't...
i feel so conflicted...

I am out of here. Hopefully I will post again soon.

1 comment:

Michelle said...

I so know what you mean. I'm the same, never been in a relationship, and recently seem to be constantly reminded of the fact. Like you, i've never been one to really care about it, but i think it is natural to want that, we can't help but want that. As annoying as it is though, it's true what they say, the right person will come along...and i think the happier we are within ourselves, the more likely that it's gonna happen. which just goes to show we shouldn't worry about it, we need to be live for ourselves and it'll happen when the time is right :-)