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I started out this morning getting up early and heading to Babysit. On the way I was feeling really anxious...it was really bad...worse than I have ever had...thank goodness my razors were miles away stashed in a drawer in my room...or i just know i would have slashed myself up really badly...but changing the subject because i really don't want to be thinking about that right now...so I don't end up deciding to go cut myself...i just got home a bit ago from babysitting...after babysitting I stopped by the store and got some stretcher things for my ears. I have two sizes and I am SO excited to put them in...but i am going to wait till I get to college...so my mom can just freak then...LOL...the smaller pair i got are black and white in like the shape of a pie...idk if that makes any sense...but it's like the colors are slivers of pie...and the bigger size is clear with white swirled through it...and I think i might actually go get the next size up as well...I looked it up online and you are supposed to wait like 1-3 months inbetween each time you go up a size...and after 8 guage you have to wait 3-5 months...

below is a poem i wrote last night...

I just don’t really care anymore

I feel like giving up

I just don’t feel

Like fighting anymore.

My cries

Seem to only reach

My own ears

They fall to the floor

Before they can reach another’s

My razor beckons to me

“I’m only in your drawer

A few feet away

Across the room”

I know she is there

My temptation

Whispering in my ear

Calling me to her side

Telling me

She will make it better

Part of me believes her

Another part sees through her lies

But yet that part wants to believe her

It yearns for an easy way out

A temporary relief

From this crazy thing I call life

Emmy R.