So today I went shopping with my sister. I got myself a nice new purse, a few shirts and a couple CDs. I spent way too much money...but hey...i didn't spend more than I have...and i'm babysitting again tomorrow so i'll make some more money...
While out shopping I saw some piercing stretcher things...I think i am going to stretch my ears (: ...also for some reason...i now have the crazy urge to get another piercing specifically to get my lip pierced. it would be on the bottom lip on the opposite side of my face as the nose piercing (nose is on my right so the lip would be on the right) my mom would probably flip though...but i am of age...so technically she doesn't have a say in it. My mom wasn't really happy about my nose piercing but it has kind of grown on her i think (: but i definitely am going to stretch my ears...i'm going to go get the tapers tomorrow after i am done babysitting...i'll probably get the next two sizes so i can change them when i am at school...actually i will probably will wait till i am gone to start stretching them...again...my mom would probably not be happy...
life has been pretty boring for me lately...very low stress levels lately which is nice...but still a little bit os struggle with the cutting...i am not really sure why but i have been wanting to cut...just at random times....having nothing to do with my triggers...*sigh*...sometimes i just want to cut for the heck of it...and i want to cut deep enough to leave a really visible scar...it seems to have been so long since i last cut...i keep thinking of new places to cut too...ones that won't show in a bathing suit...ugh...i can't believe i am thinking like this...
In the past I have cut mainly on my left forearm...the easiest place for me to cut...in between high school and junior high i gained a ton of weight (which my mom made me very self-conscious about by bringing me to a bunch of doctors and stuff because she though something was wring with me...)...and i wore a jacket pretty much year round starting my first year of high school until about my third year (since i was so self-conscious)...the jacket made it really easy to hide the cutting...but since then i have begun not wearing a jacket all the time and have become more comfortable in my own body which makes hiding cuts harder...i grew up in an area where it is sunny all the time pretty much...and college is where it snows during the winter...so i have to wear warmer clothes...which makes it easier to cut...but even though I could have easily continued cutting in the same spot last year I began cutting in other places as well when I began to cut again for a while. I started to cut on my stomach and breast. I don't really know where I am going with this one...and i just realized how random this blog is...so on to my next random topic...LOL
I am currently looking at my college's counseling center website...for some reason it helps me feel calmer to look at this...i guess to know that there is help available should I choose to accept it...which brings me to the next thing I want to talk about. I am not sure if I want to go back to the counseling center next year...at first I was thinking that I should for sure go...but i just am not sure...i mean the lady i talked to will not be there next year...but whoever I talk to next will still be able to read her notes I think...i mean the guy i talked to in the beginning of the year and told about my cutting (possibly the most awkward time in my life) took notes and it seemed like the lady I talked to had read those notes...i mean she definitely knew about my cutting before I mentioned it...i mean she always asked me if i wanted to talk about anything else after I was talking about paige...come to think of it i am pretty sure that I told her she could read his notes...
ok...i am stopping here...i am, for some reason, getting more stressed and anxious out by typing here and looking at the counseling website...
Emmy R.
No comments:
Post a Comment