May 1, 2009

beneath the surface

Growing up
so innocent
never did anything wrong
it was the image
which i wished to portray
it was ME
it was how i defined myself
ask me to go to the party
and drink
no thanks
are you sure you don't want
a cigarette?
yes i am sure
you're a goody two shoes
yup, that's me
(or so they thought)
the ones who made fun of me
pretended to ask me out
were jerks
their words heart
but i was a good girl
i didn't do the bad things
i didn't
at least not the bad things
they had in mind
what did i do?
i did "bad things"
behind closed doors
i cussed
(where my parents couldn't hear)
i once had a swallow
of my dad's Kahlua
when no one was at home
oh i am such a rebel

but the real part
was different
which hurt me
caused pain
loss felt
but never spoken of
not willing to be felt
expressing themselves
on my body
blood flowing
expression happening
behind closed doors
walls i built up around me
heart encased
behind impenetrable forces
the "good girl"
has issues
more than she could ever admit
more than she ever will
no one will ever truly know
the depth to which my scars run
i wear some on my body
you can't see the ones
beneath the surface

Emmy R.


Anonymous said...

Had to look up Kahlua, though it was clear from context it was a drink of some sort. Sounds nice! The scars on the inside are the worst. They are the reasons for the ones on the outside. They cut you and scar you on the inside till you run out of room for internal scars, then you have to start on the outside.

Emmy R. said...

haha the drink was gross...seeing as i don't like coffee and i also don't really like the taste of alcohol...and since it is a coffee flavored alcohol drink...ick...LOL...

you are right about the inside scars being the worst...and the crazy thing is that the inside scars you can't see even though they are the worst ones...