I had another counseling appointment today, it is my final one for this year unless something comes up. I only have a week and a half of classes and then a week of finals and I go home. I decided that I would probably be really busy during the next week so i told the counselor that i was not going to make an appointment for the remainder of the school year (unless, of course something comes up and I want/need to talk.)
So what did we talk about today? We did some chit-chatting about how the past week was for me and such and she asked me about how the last week was better or changed because of our conversation. Anyways after that she asked me if there was anything specific I wanted to talk about. After some hmm-ing and umm-ing I told her about the self-harm. Now as I mentioned before she had read the notes that the other person who I talked to at the beginning of the year had taken, but I was really happy that she let me wait till I was comfortable with bringing up the subject myself before addressing the matter. I was kind of like "well you know how I said that I had kind of pushed down the emotions and buried them when (not) dealing with Paige's death? well I used a different way to 'express' those feelings...I self-harmed..."
She asked some great questions and just made me feel very comfortable with talking to her about it. She asked me about my feelings when i would cut, and my reasons for cutting (i.e. control, expressing emotions), who already knew, how long it had been since I last cut etc. I may have fibbed a little on that last one...I said three months...but I am pretty sure it hasn't been that long...oh well...
Anyways...She also asked me about what sort of things I do when I want to self-harm, instead of self-harm. I sort of explained how I like to be creative, or journal, or blog etc. Then she asked me about my support system when I go home...hmmm...I sort of beat around the bush and didn't give an answer...then she asked me again...and i told her that I didn't really have anyone who knew about this at home, also I told her about my friend who has helped me through so much in the past and how I hope to be able to talk to her some more about this whole issue, also that even though she will be moving I hope to be able to dialogue with her about it via skype or something of that sort.
Near the end of our meeting she mentioned perhaps starting a support group for people who struggle with self-harm. I think that would be a GREAT idea and I hope to do something with that next year. Also she asked me what I am going to do next year during the school year if I am struggling with cutting again, I said "well I would like to tell you that I would come straight here but I don't think that I would. What if they had to tell someone? I just couldn't deal with that." She told me that if the people at the counseling center only have to tell if someone is a threat to their own life, not if they are just cutting. Whew! that was a relief to hear! So next school year my plans consist of going to the counseling center if this becomes a big struggle again at some point next year. Also I want to form some sort of support group if at all possible. I think that would be VERY helpful if I were able to have people to dialogue with and share my struggles with who understands where I am coming from....
Okay that is all for now!