May 17, 2009

Converstion with my RA...

Friday night
My RA comes to my room
she tells me
she wants to
catch up on something
we talked about
at the beginning of the year
she asks me
"have you struggled with
what we talked about before
during this semester?"
my mind was freaking out...
but I told the truth
I told her
that I had
She asked me
"were you just tempted,
or did you cut yourself?"
a harder question
to answer
but I was still honest
"yes, i messed up"
"when did this happen?"
she asked
"recently? or a while ago?"
"at the beginning of the semester and during interim"
I answered
hanging my head
"was it like a one time thing?
or were you doing it on a daily basis?"
she asked
"it wasn't on a daily basis
but more than just once..."
i carefully answered
"do you know what triggered it?"
"i was having memories of my friend paige
i didn't want to deal with it so..."
then I trailed off...
she nodded
and looked me in the eyes...
"I went to *name of school's counseling center*"
"good for you!
I am proud that you made that decision"
she smiles
"It was really nice
because I found out that
they don't have to tell anyone
about this sort of stuff"
I looked at her
"do you have any
idea what you will do
this summer
if you are triggered?
do you have anyone you can
talk to about this?"
she asked me
i deferred and began
talking about the things
I can do to distract myself
"em, can you talk
to anyone at home
about this?"
I averted my gaze
I wouldn't let her
look me in the eyes
"I don't"
I slowly replied
"no one knows about it"
i looked down at the ground...
"I see
Em, I want you to know
you can call me anytime this summer
not as your former RA
but as a friend"
we looked each other in the eyes
"Thanks, Lauren"

Okay so it was a good conversation...(though it looks sort of stupid in blog form)...and I am glad it happened....

2 exams done...and 2 more to go...i have one tomorrow (monday) at 1:30pm and one on wednesday at stuff...i still have a TON of packing to do...and my room looks as though a tornado hit it...

I got to go study for my spanish exam...later!

Emmy R.

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