May 6, 2009

one of the best webistes ever is

here are some recent additions that I though were hilarious...

Today, was my first meeting with business partners as I am new to the team. Instead of saying that I was looking forward to "stretching my legs" or "spreading my wings", I told them I was anxious to start "spreading my legs". FML

Today, I saw a couple of beetles doing it. Jealous, I quickly crushed them with my boot while screaming, "IF I CAN'T DO IT, NOBODY WILL!" All the little kids playing on the local playground, including parents supervising them, gave me dirty, confused looks. FML

Today, I was running late for work. To save time, I grabbed my belt on my way out the door and was putting it on in the elevator, which stopped at the next floor before I had put my belt all the way on. A hot girl stepped into the elevator, looked at my undone belt, screamed "Ew" and got off. FML

Today, I pissed my younger brother off. Seemingly unrelated to this was the fact that I left my laptop on in my room along with MSN signed into my email adress. Now, all my contacts know that I apparently "just love the warm feeling of semen sliding down my throat". FML

Today, I met my girlfriend's parents for the first time. We got on the discussion of animals, and I showed them a picture of my cat on my phone. Being a touchscreen, when her father grabbed it, it changed picture. To a picture of my girlfriend, fully nude. FML

Today, I lost track of time while rocking out, butt-naked, to Kelly Clarkson and Michelle Branch after taking a shower. Three of my metalhead friends had let themselves in my house and were on the lower level laughing their butts off at me for 30 minutes before telling me. I'm a 23 year old guy. FML

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I have so many FML moments it's unreal. A non-rude one was this time I was chatting to a homeless guy. He was utterly depressed, I mean he'd tried to hang himself the day before. So anyway, he wanted some company until his support worker was ready to see him, and so I spent some time with him. At the end of our conversation my parting words to him were, "Hang in there, mate."

Gah, and there was this time I asked a Colombian guy I used to work with to look over something I'd written in Spanish. He said the Spanish was fine, it was the Portuguese that was the problem. I won't lie to you, Emmy, I felt foolish. =D

I really am just about the most clueless person I know.